Sunday, June 26, 2011

Reasons why you should get a dog before you have a baby

1. If you are at all squemish about any bodily functions whatsoever, trust me, dogs will give you plenty of practice getting used to them. My dogs Roxy and Reese have had the most interesting things come out of both ends. Enough said.

2. Keeping things out of reach will become second nature to you when you own a dog. Baby gates will suddenly become a hot commodity in your home, even before a baby bump appears.

3. Nail clipping another living being takes practice! And while I'm sure your man could probably use a good trim now and then, practicing on him won't be as worthwhile as it is with your dog (unless of course your man actually allows you to put that sparkly pink nail polish on afterward).

4. You will learn the great art of patience as your dog sniffs every single bit of grass, tree stump and moving object during her walk. Your patience will grow even more when you have to give your dog yet another bath because she finds a nice dead animal to bury her face into during said walk. Mmm, dead squirrel funk is so pleasant at 6 a.m.! (At this point, you may want to reread reason #1)

5. Yes, 6 a.m. Sometimes 5 a.m. if a loud semi-truck drives by.

6. Your time spent away from home will be based on how long your dog can hold her bladder (hopefully none of you are leaving infants just chilling around the house by themselves; this one is just a reminder that someone else is depending on and/or waiting for you now).

7. Have you ever tried putting a tutu on a chihuahua? I highly suggest it. Keep the video camera handy.

8. Dogs go through the terrible twos just like toddlers. Just ask my poor remote control and the corner of my couch.

9. You learn how to teach social etiquette, as in "Roxy, stop sniffing his crotch!" (if your child starts doing this to someone, I do suggest more than just an etiquette lesson).

10. You will learn what unconditional love really means. They grow up so fast. 

"We seriously need to reconsider this whole play date thing."

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