Sunday, July 1, 2012

Cutie Pie - Armie Hammer

Armie Hammer in J. Edgar
Copyright All rights reserved by emrahozcan

Hmm, what to say about Armie Hammer? Well, for one, he's like a live action Ken doll with better hair. His voice is like melted chocolate without the calories. He could have sat on his gorgeous tush and lived off his father's fortune (dad is oil tycoon Armand Hammer), but instead he pursued an acting career. And, speaking of acting, homeboy has skills.

After several eclectic roles (Winklevoss twins in The Social Network, Clyde Tolson in J. Edgar, and Prince Alcott in Mirror Mirror), don't be surprised if Armie is the next big thing. He's my number one pick to play Christian Grey in the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. For now, I will just wait patiently for him to come to screen opposite Johnny Depp as The Lone Ranger, in theaters 2013. Masked men are my weakness.

Time to scooch over, Channing Tatum, there's a new hotness in town. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Online Dating or as I like to call it, "What the F*@k Am I Going to Wear?"

All rights reserved by Whybealone1

Why online dating blows out my flip-flop:

1) It's like a having a second job where you're constantly refining your search, hiring and firing employees on a daily basis, and you get paid in text bombs by guys who can't take a hint.

2) You have the same first date over and over again. My favorite joke about a giraffe in a bar is no longer funny (actually, I was the only person who ever laughed at that one).

3) All the dating sites are turning into overly done versions of Hot or Not.

4) Seeing your ex online a week after he broke up with you. NOT FUN.

5) You cannot smell people online. Enough said.

Why online dating party rocks:

1) It's so much easier to Google stalk someone when you've got a whole page about them to go on. Unless they're a big fat liar. Even then, it's a good method for weeding out the big fat liars.

2)  You could be wearing a ratty old tank top and a pair of TOMS your puppy chewed up and no one is the wiser.

3) You get to choose your first impression through carefully chosen photographs. And on a side note: ladies, stop doing the overhead, look-down-my-shirt shot. You are fooling no one. You have curves. He's going to see them when he meets you in person anyway. Get over it and find a guy who likes some meat on his woman, à la Fifty Shades.

4) If you're a girl, and you search your competition, you get to laugh at other chicks who think doing fish lips makes them look hot. Huge self-esteem booster. By the way, I thank the stars every day straight men doing fish lips has not become a thing.

5) When you find the right guy, it truly makes all the nonsense worthwhile.

Happy dating, my singletons. ;)

Friday, March 23, 2012

Table for One

I've had somewhat of an epiphany over the past few months. After numerous dating disasters, I decided to delete all of my online dating profiles. At first, I just "hid" them. I really didn't feel like taking an hour to recreate profiles all over again because of one rash decision due to yet another bad date. But, the problem with those sites is that they hit you up when you least expect it. I'd be grading papers in my classroom and I'd get an email from telling me that seven men just winked at me. Really? How is this possible when my account is supposed to be hidden? So, of course I just HAD to look. Clever,, very clever. 

After another month of this back and forth dance, I finally pulled the plug. Now what was I going to do? About half three-fourths of my social life had consisted of going on dates. What was I supposed to do to fill all this extra time? I reached out to friends and started third-wheeling it to different events and get-togethers. We'll call this the Bridget Jones phase of my pre-epiphany. A couple things I learned about being a third-wheel: 

1) I'm kind of a fun chick to hang around
2) unless you give me Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka.

I did end up meeting a couple guys through my friends. But, after years of disappointment, I think I've created this shell around my heart that's becoming increasingly harder to crack. I slowly started to realize that I needed some time to be by myself. Like, totally by myself. And you know what I found out? Being alone sucks is totally awesome. 

At first, I didn't know what to do with my time. Pulling the plug on the Internet is one thing; pulling the plug on dating altogether is a completely different beast. I've spent many evenings reading on my Kindle, getting addicted to Snapped (dirty, dirty fun), and trying not to burn down my kitchen (seriously, on a side note, keep a box of baking soda right next to your stove because your brain tends to turn off when toddler sized flames are leaping off your skillet).

There's only so many nights you can spend sulking chilling at home before you go completely BSC*. Building up the courage to dine at a restaurant by yourself is the best way to enter the Shaft Theme phase. Wear sunglasses while you eat to get the full effect. 

Being up off the couch and out of the house isn't enough though. You really have to own it. I'm a firm believer of the Fake It 'Til You Make It philosophy. I have met many women who have attempted the "single and loving it" lifestyle, but have failed and jumped right back on the dating bandwagon. While they may have been single, they truly weren't loving it, regardless of what they say to the average Joe. Talking to close friends reveals the truth: they're spending all their alone time obsessing over couples! Couples on the beach, couples holding hands in the mall, couples sharing every little facet of their life on Facebook ("Johnny just made breakfast in bed for me. Someone's getting lucky this AM!").

In my case, I've had to force myself to ignore couples altogether. Instead of worrying over what my friends are doing with their husbands, I started relishing all the things I get to do that they don't. I leave the bathroom door open, I eat peanut butter out of the jar, and my hair is a cleverly crafted rat's nest most days. When I go out, I pick the movie and the restaurant. Every time. It's freaking fantastic. 

I'm sure there will come a time when I miss being in a relationship, or miss just enjoying the company of a handsome man. But for right now, I'm loving this newfound freedom. It's teaching me what I want out of life, and who knows me best better than me? Well, and Dr. Phil, of course.

*Bat Shit Crazy